Living my life by accident

Italy was so amazing. We’ve seen places like Milan and Switzerland. And all the people were so nice. I think I’ve made some great friends there. And I miss them already, although I’m glad I’m back home again. Luckily everyone’s coming here in three weeks. But after that week, I’ll probably never see them again… It’s a sad thing to think about. But yeah, I had a lovely time there, and I promise I’ll post some pictures later.

Everytime I finally think eveything is going to be alright again, I break down. My happiness doesn’t last longer than 2 or 3 hours. And then all of a sudden everything falls apart for no reason and I’m walking around like some kind of zombie and ignoring everyone, because I don’t want people to know how I feel, but because I ignore them they get mad at me and that makes me feel even worse and ugh… 

Last month everything felt right. I was sure I was going to be fine. I cried more than I used to, but I didn’t feel like cutting or hurting myself in any other way. And now… It’s the only thing I can think about. I feel like I’m not really there, like people don’t see me. I feel ignored and abandoned. Lonely and desolated. And I don’t know what to do. whatever I do, the feeling keeps getting back. 

writtennonsense:

Daar sta ik,
in een rivier vol bittere tranen.
Daar sta ik,
onder een stil snikkende lucht.

In de stilte
fluisteren de bomen mijn namen.
In de stilte
slaakt de wind een diepe zucht.

Maar wanneer een zonnestraal
zachtjes mijn wang
en lippen streelt,

dan zwijgen de bomen
en de wind, opdat de zon
ook hen bespeelt.

My arm’s bleeding…

But I have to wait 2 weeks till my next appointment..